Michael Leonberger

Mutilation Mile (and the Picture People Who Run It)

I’m a sucker for mirrors. Sometimes I get caught gazing into one while I’m sitting at a booth in a restaurant. Looking over the person I’m talking to, instead of into their eyes, checking out the guy in the mirror instead. He makes great eye contact. Narcissist, much? Yeah, but…

Facebook Friends Unite!

I had an unusual thought last night, and I’m going to attribute it entirely to a book I’ve been reading by Alain de Botton called Status Anxiety. Suffice to say, the book is a relaxing explanation as to the causes of status anxiety (defined as being anxious because of the…

On Getting Older (and Balder)

When I was younger, I kept my hair pretty long. This served two functions: 1. It allowed me to hide from the world, because no teenage boy with acne actually thinks they’re good looking, and 2. It made my head look bigger. Which, for a comic book nerd, is kind…

Dancing with Sharks

Super Bowl 2015, you rarified beast. Which part ruffled your feathers more? When Nationwide brought the house down with their apocalyptic child accident commercial? When the Seahawks and Patriots decided to settle things with their fists? Or that dancing shark, man? You know the one. The one on the left….

Shaking Off 2014

Where is Taylor Swift’s belly button? Sure, she’s already told us that she’ll never expose the little nub: that would be too similar to baring her midriff, and she doesn’t want to send the wrong impression, boys and girls. She’s a pop star, but not that kind of pop star….

Knife Fight in the Garden of Comments and Criticism

The avenues of the internet are lined on either side by buildings—some of majesty, constructed by award-winning journalists, others busted and bruised. Click bait pads for hustlers with shot out windows and a bottomless hunger. Porno flop houses, clearly, mixed amongst your Salon.coms and your Guardians and your Slant, with…

Me and My Game Over

Whenever I go for a run, I think about video games. I don’t day dream about them. I don’t think about which ones I’d like to buy or play. I think about the main characters in video games, and how they can run for miles on end without needing to…

Generation Me

“Is a dream a lie if it don’t come true, or is it something worse?” – Bruce Springsteen Apparently, the millennials are growing up. Turning away from the bright eyed wunderkins we were supposed to be. You know: tech babies incubated in dreams and shaping the world with perfect ideals,…

Bad Mirror

There’s a nightmare living behind a keyboard—for our purposes, all tumors, oozing and undulating in splotchy, yellow-green diamonds, his fingers clickety-clacking as he terrorizes some girl he’s never met, but whose body he assumes is his own. This sexist fungus springs up between the keys and—like fungi do—grows in the…

(E-Publishing) Halloween Sweets

I’ve been pounding on a keyboard for two months and I’ve worn away all the skin on my finger pads, so now it’s just bones clicking buttons, and they want to tell you, BUY MY BOOK. But where is it? Well, sonny Jim, it’s here! On Amazon.com right now, today,…